wind in my ears

i want to live in a community where i share things with others to utilize potential, where i can make huge meals every day to feed; i don't want to be stingy and keep my talents, ambitions, and belongings to myself. i want to make a living working with a group to provide a service where we each get to express ourselves by being involved in something we are proud of and don't think of as work because it is so satisfactory to us. the only problem is that i have no idea how to go about doing this. it seems like i am the only person who actually believes this can happen and is willing to do a bit of sacrificing to get it done.

i miss my friends even though some of them are right next to me. i spend most of my time wishing that i wasn't so passionate about things and that i didn't care so much because its wearing me thin and at the moment i'm very lost as to what to do about it. i am in the process of teaching myself how to rely on others less for my self satisfaction and learning to live for myself. i feel as if i'm on the verge of finding something.

nerding out

i finally have a film scanner that works!! first thing i tried scanning were some old black and white images i took whenever i visited italy a few years ago. a lot of them are severely over/under exposed but i'm hoping to find a few good ones mixed in there as well. i am expecting three rolls of 120 film at the moment, cant wait to see how magnificent those scans will look! excitement!

me today: emo blog

if i've learned anything from the past few days its that all guys are the same, no matter how amazing they seem or how hard they try to wooo you. for years i have been trying to protect myself from this disappointment, and now i know the more they pursue at first the harder you will fall in the end. i will never again say "this guy, he's different". i know that some day i will be worth it to someone, but until then i'll just harden this outer shell of mine. i hope everyone has a happy and safe new years. see ya next year!

lazy sunday

today i've been working on babes united: issue two (should be out soon enough), gathering things to sell in a yard sale, and listening to records.

today's thoughts

i think that if you live in a place for most of your life you cant really fully appreciate that place until you have left for a while. this is the case for me at least. today i was riding my bike through the streets that used to be a part of my daily routine, and i started thinking about how there are people who would be amazed by what i was looking at. i am lucky because i love my home.

cool

a while after we arrived at oriental garden today for lunch i realized that i was the only girl and that i was with 12 dudes. luckily marisol and payton showed up and made it a 2 to 13 ratio. haha... then they wanted to go see a movie and they were running a little late so i said i would drop them off on my way home. i felt like such a mom.

, moms

so far i am really enjoying being back at my parent's house. mom always comes in and pets the cats on my bed.