whoaaa!!

i just realized:

i just got done printing the pictures for my last photo critique at UNT. this will be the last time that dornith ever critiques my work in class ever again. holy fucking shit! this is insane.

yes no maybe so

its weird how the meaning of things change over time. i have spent countless hours staring at the arrow on that tree. for the longest time it was this unobtainable thing to me. i was never really sure that it was an arrow, and i always wondered if it were really there or if i was imagining it. i guess that whole backyard really. i used to sit on my front porch and stare into that back yard. now i am there at least once a week. my relationship with that place has totally changed. now i never think about the arrow on that tree. i wish i still did.

uh huh

:[

RIP steven urkel zeigler
i love you.
i'll miss you.

i smell like camp fire;

last night i slept in the woods on a hammock. it was cold but exhilarating.

fingers crossed

above is the instillation i am trying to put in the voertman's show. i set it up earlier with the help of darcy. the three pictures are what is displayed inside each box on the rug. i should know the results at around 5:00pm today! earlier when i was going to class i saw the juror walk out of that room and it made me so nervouss!! i feel like i'm in high school again?

its true

i just finished like 99% of a paper that isn't due until friday (i still have to make the bibliography and need to proof read). i think this might be the first time in college that i didn't start the paper i was writing the day before it was due. i always feel so accomplished and free after i finished a paper. even though they are usually terrible, i just keep telling myself 'you only have to get a c in that class to graduate'. my mind is so far from school. i cant wait for it to be over, and i am really glad that that is soon.

cant wait for this weekend!

=

sometimes i stop and think about how i'm leaving this place and why i'd ever want to do that.

then i remember:
i hate it here. i hate how i feel here. there are such better opportunities elsewhere. i hate school. i hate feeling awkward around people who i'm supposed to be friends with. i hate how passive aggressive my life has become. i hate seeing my friends go through things that change them in negative ways. i hate not being able to tell them. i hate not being able to be honest with those who mean the most to me.

now before you get offended there are other things i want to say. when we all met my life was perfect. i never wanted it to change, but it has. the only reason i am so comfortable with leaving is that i know i will always have some of you. i plan on knowing you for the rest of my life. i wish things wouldn't have changed, gotten awkward, and left me feeling this way. i wish it were possible for us to be normal, but i know that it isn't and that that is why we became friends in the first place. i wish i were closer with some of you. i'm glad i'm becoming closer with others of you. you've all impacted my life in ways you will never know, so much so that i find it hard to breathe sometimes. i guess what i want to say is thanks, i love you, but get me the fuck out of here.

sighhhh

happy birthday bradley;

i love you with all of my heart.
:]

here we go again.

i know, right?
good weekend.