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sometimes i stop and think about how i'm leaving this place and why i'd ever want to do that.

then i remember:
i hate it here. i hate how i feel here. there are such better opportunities elsewhere. i hate school. i hate feeling awkward around people who i'm supposed to be friends with. i hate how passive aggressive my life has become. i hate seeing my friends go through things that change them in negative ways. i hate not being able to tell them. i hate not being able to be honest with those who mean the most to me.

now before you get offended there are other things i want to say. when we all met my life was perfect. i never wanted it to change, but it has. the only reason i am so comfortable with leaving is that i know i will always have some of you. i plan on knowing you for the rest of my life. i wish things wouldn't have changed, gotten awkward, and left me feeling this way. i wish it were possible for us to be normal, but i know that it isn't and that that is why we became friends in the first place. i wish i were closer with some of you. i'm glad i'm becoming closer with others of you. you've all impacted my life in ways you will never know, so much so that i find it hard to breathe sometimes. i guess what i want to say is thanks, i love you, but get me the fuck out of here.